Qualities of a Godly Wife - Can a Godly Wife Embrace Feminism? - Part 2a

This was written for a series on godly husbands and wives in my church's YAF fellowship magazine.
The article is also a continuation of Qualities of a Godly Wife - Can a Godly Wife Embrace Feminism? - Part 1.

Much, much more could be covered on this topic of Feminism. There is only so much I can write on feminism for the time being, for I have many writing ideas and projects on my mind. To end this series on the godly wife, I have analysed a real-life case study of how the Christian Feminist’s gossip and slander led to a whole multitude of problems, and how the godly wife – and all Christian men and women as well, of course – can prevent the effects of gossip and slander.

To end this series on the godly wife, I have analysed a real-life case study of how the Christian Feminist’s gossip and slander led to a whole multitude of problems, and how the godly wife – and all Christian men and women as well, of course – can prevent the effects of gossip and slander.

Case study: The Feminist’s One-sided Opinion and her emotions

The Modern Feminist, in her rash and I’m-always-right nature, could let her lips loose and speak her mind too soon and fall into gossiping and slandering. 

A Christian brother by the name of Sam, son of a church leader, suffered greatly when the Christian Feminists around him aired personal opinions about Sam, which were not supported by strong reasoning or evidence. The Christian Feminists’ opinions were just gossips and slander.

On separate occasions, Sam brought two pretty women to his church for the gospel. When a Christian feminist named Elise saw him and the ladies, she uttered this statement “Not again? That’s Pretty Woman Number Two. Is he setting up a beauty pageant? Isn’t he attached with a godly sister already? What a philandering man! What a playboy!”

If we consider the causes of Elise’s statement about Sam could be

·                the truth,

or it could be

·                an emotional opinion.

·                an opinion based on prejudice, stereotype or cliché statements

·                a belief that women are always right

Out of the four possibilities, only the truth should be spoken from the godly wife’s mouth. Bearing in mind the Deuteronomy 13:12-14 precedent to verify and investigate hearsays, Elise’s statement about Sam cannot be the truth if it was only based on an emotional opinion, an opinion based on prejudice or stereotype, or lifted from other hearsays she heard.

If it’s not the truth, we have to understand where these thoughts came from, and how to handle them.

In the next few pages, I will list a few more points to show that the godly wife cannot embrace feminism, while drawing heavily from the outcomes of Sam’s story.

4.     Purely Emotional Opinions are not credible for the Godly wife to embrace as the truth

With regards to emotional opinions, Edward de Bono, a prominent thinker, once wrote this: “If you strip the adjectives from the opinion then the opinion collapses. The opinion is therefore just a vehicle for the emotions” (How to Have a Beautiful Mind, pg 19).

Bono’s words is true in some cases, such as Elise’s opinion of Sam. If we remove the adjective “philandering” and “play”, Elise’s statement becomes an expression with different or contradictory meanings:  “Isn’t he with a sister already? What a man! What a boy!”

Without the adjectives, Elise’s quote throws more questions than answers to the listener. What kind of sister is Sam with? A sister of blood ties who attends church with him, or a romantic relationship with a sister-in-Christ? Is Sam a man or a boy?

Bono seem to have hit the nail on the head with his analysis of emotional opinions and its link to adjectives. But I would suggest greater rational thinking.

During my journalism training, a lecturer once stressed the absence of adjectives in news reporting. “You can’t add your opinion,” she demanded, “If the news event centers on someone eating a cheeseburger, just stop at ‘She ate a cheeseburger’ and move on to other facts the audience wants to know.”

Truly factual, and emotionless. That contrasts with the lesson I had on feature writing.

“Describe it! ‘Ooo, the wonderful cheeseburger! I savour every bit of its succulent beef patty. And the sauce is so smooth…’ “

The lecturer used adjectives such as “succulent” but that is not an emotional opinion. She got the facts right. The meat patty is succulent. The sauce is smooth. The only emotional comment she made was “wonderful”, and it was backed up by the facts. The lecturer’s statement is different from the purely emotional opinion Elise had on Sam.

The difference between the emotional opinion of Elise and the journalism lecturer is clear. The journalism lecturer could back up her praise – when she used the word ‘wonderful’ – with evidence of the meat patty and the sauce, but Elise could not give any credible reasons.

We have opinions, but Human Behavior is on a Different Level from Gadgets and Hairstyles

We have opinions, and we can’t always avoid adjectives. We wax lyrical over the hair of our sisters with “beautiful” and “flowing”. We gasp at the glossy glint of our gadgets with “sleek” and “stylish”. And we can almost readily list all the reasons for the adjectives.

“My smartphone has a brushed metal cover. I can see the screen clearly even in the brightest sunlight. 
And the best part is, it doesn’t lag no matter what application I run! I’ve compared this with the other rival phones. Nothing beats this. See how smooth it is when I scroll the screen up and down on any website. This speedy device loads webpages ten times faster than any smartphone in the world!”

“Janice’s hair shines and doesn’t get entangled in her comb! And the rebonding job is excellent! Oh my, Janice got the right look for her oval-shaped face! 
I have been reading the latest fashion magazines and pondered the views by hair experts and fashion police. 
Doesn’t the bob and the asymmetric fringe remind you of a celebrity? 
Hey, check out the gentle soft waves in Cassandra’s profile! It’s so classy! She resembles that Korean nine-member gal band leader on TV last night! You can call me an expert in hair matters.”

Just count the number of adjectives used in the dialogues on a smartphone and hair. We can’t avoid adjectives totally in our lives. We can’t totally discount the use of adjectives. They represent the reasons, evidence or sound reasoning for our opinions. When these can’t be refuted, the opinions may become truths.

We deserve a PhD for the sound reasons behind the generous comments we lavish on our hair and gadgets. But human behavior is on a different level. Like Elise, we often miss blind spots when we search for a reason, or a judgement. We may barely earn an O level subject pass in studying behavior, even if it is as simple as a man bringing a woman to church for the gospel. The Christian Feminist Elise could note there is nothing wrong with a man bringing a woman to church for the gospel.

Proclaiming the Gospel is not a sexist exercise

The gospel is simple, and sometimes Christians make it too complicated. We are told to proclaim it to the nations, and gender is never mentioned as a criteria for the gospel (Matthew 28:18-20). Yet, I have heard senior figures – men and women included – telling men “If you bring a woman to church, you can be seen to be her man.”

I beg to differ. In Sam’s case, the mere sight of him bringing a lady to church has a large number of possibilities. The lady could be his current love interest, a friend, a classmate, a cousin, a friend’s friend, an ex-colleague, an ex-colleague’s friend, an ex-colleague’s neighbor, a neighbor, Sam’s family doctor, the vet of the neighbour’s dog …

And the list goes on. I’m glad Sam has never differentiated between men and women in proclaiming the gospel. For Christ has never differentiated between the sexes in spreading the gospel.

In the Bible , there are accounts of men bringing women, and women bringing men to Christ, the church or Christian evangelists. In John 4, Christ conversed with the Samaritan woman. The Samaritan woman overcame the social stigma of a Jewish man talking to a Samaritan woman. Amazed at her chanced encounter with Christ in person, the Samaritan woman went back to her community to spread the good news. She did not believe in certain church norms today and decide men should not talk to women about the Messiah.

Our Lord Jesus Christ, in the form of a man, talked to a woman about salvation, who in turn proclaims the gospel to people in her community – that certainly includes men. If Christ did not condemn himself or the Samaritan woman for proclaiming Christ’s presence to the opposite sex, and nowhere in the Bible are we condemned for spreading the gospel to the opposite sex, the church today has to be more sensible.

To decide a man bringing a woman to church is definitely based on a romantic nature, is absurd. Such purely emotional opinions will only impede the growth of Christians and new Christians. This creates situations where newcomers may not be comfortable, and it impedes honest fellowship, and should therefore be frowned upon by the godly wives.

(Note: The next article includes honest communication)

The truth about a human’s actions, whether it’s Sam or the Samaritan woman sharing the gospel, is really simple, but we in our limited wisdom may fail to find it and end up overcomplicating matters. A man bringing a woman to church may be just a simple act, yet there are endless possibilities to it. Godly wives have to be more wise to not to pass emotional opinions hastily without careful thought.

I’ll take us back to that crucial moment when Elise saw Sam with the Pretty Lady Number Two (I’ll call her PLNT for the sake of convenience. She’s not the significant figure in our discussion, anyway). Did Elise, dutiful to a fault in her hairstyle passion, diligently compare Sam with other men who brought women to church?

Hardly. If she did, she would have realized the endless possibilities of Sam and PLNT’s relationship – from his girlfriend to the vet – are more than the number of trendy hairstyles she can examine in her fashion magazines.

How many of us are experts in human behavior?

The truth among many of us can hurt. We are doctors, engineers, salesmen, accountants, and a whole list of other occupation. 


We are professional in our expertise. We may be experts in choosing gadgets or hairstyles, but we may be a novice in analyzing human relationships.

If we can find reasons to back up our expert views on a sister-in-Christ’s new hairdo, we should find reasons and evidence to back up our opinions on Christians in our church. If we can’t justify our opinions, the opinions are just purely emotional opinions, then we can’t spread them as the truth. We could end up giving false testimony instead of the truth (Exodus 20:16).

Godly Wife: Love God with all thy mind:

Justify your personal opinions rationally and wear your intellectual hat

We all know godly wives love God.

Sometimes, I hear Christian Feminists saying “Loving God is all about ministries. Let’s sing in the choir, let’s make sure every ministry programme is well-conducted, let’s feed each other well…”

There is nothing wrong with serving well in our ministries. But the Christian life is more than mere ministries. And loving God is much more than ministries. Mentioned early in part 1 of this “Qualities of a Godly Wife” series, loving God is about obeying his commands.

Here’s one of Christ’s commands to start with:

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  (Matt 22:37)

Loving God with all our heart, is to submit our desires to Him, and giving up everything for following his commands. Loving God with all our soul, is to give our lives for His service. Loving God with all our mind, is to submit to His teaching and guidance, as well as the use of our intellect, and making decisions based on Scriptural principles. Loving God is not about setting our emotions free, to do anything, or say anything we desire.

In other words, we need our intellect. The Christian life is not just about ministries, or being emotional and passionate over God. A godly wife cannot depend on her emotions for life. She needs something stronger to keep her on the right path, away from her emotional opinions. Nancy DeMoss, author of a best-selling women’s book Lies Women Believe, recognizes something more dependable than emotions:

“If we (women) want to walk in freedom, we must realize that our emotions are not necessarily trustworthy and be willing to reject any feelings that are not consistent with the Truth” (LWB, 195)

Since emotions can lead feminists to one-sided opinions, clearly, emotions simply cannot be trusted all the time. Godly wives – and godly men included – have to rationally explore the Word of God, and let God fill them with greater wisdom. That would certainly involve the intellect. We do not leave our intellect and our minds at the door of the church when we step in to worship and love God.

We do not commit intellectual suicide the moment we become Christians and judge our ministries and our brethren based on what we feel. We are not called to throw rationality out of the window. Christian Feminists such as Elise could learn much about Matthew 22:37.

“Oh, you want evidence of Sam and his infidelity? I saw the friendly banter between Sam and that pretty lady.” Elise quipped, “I feel that is enough evidence.”

Let’s put on our intellectual hat.

If friendly banter is a criteria for an actual romantic relationship, Christian men must have been unfaithful to their wives on every trip to their workplaces where they inevitably have to communicate with other women, whether they are colleagues on the same level, subordinates and superiors alike. If men avoid friendly conversations and remain stoned-face whenever they face female colleagues just to please the Christian Feminists, their HR managers or superiors would have something to say about their disruptive influence to team camaraderie and team spirit in the company.

Obviously, friendly banter is hardly enough to determine the relationship between a man and a woman.

Hear before you speak, and speak only the truth

“Why don’t you listen to me?” Sam sighed at the sight of the Feminists.

Sam wished Elise and her friends could have listened to him before making a judgement. And he’s right. Read what Proverbs 18:13 says:

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

The Bible teaches us to hear before we speak (Proverbs 18:13). There is a saying that says “hear it from the horses’ mouth”. Elise can have an opinion that Sam and his female friend are galloping around the church and everywhere else like stallions and mares in love. But she cannot change that opinion into a fact when she saw nothing, heard no confirmation from Sam except friendly banter. Neither can anyone of us in our church spread tales about each other just based on friendly conversations between a man and a woman. If Elise really wanted to know what was going on, she could do better by walking up to Sam and asking him directly.

Seriously, there is no way Elise can say anything about them when she has not heard and confirmed anything from the lips of Sam or his close confidantes. In that case, she has not been rational. Her judgment is just a personal emotional opinion, not the truth.

As Christians, we have to know that our personal opinions may be far from the truth. Christians are called to be different from Elise. We are to speak “excellent things”, “right things” and the “truth” (Proverbs 8:6-7). In that context, we are do not have the right to spread an untested opinion as the truth.

Yet, the truth about Sam and PLNT could be much clearer if Elise had asked Sam directly. She didn’t, and she drew conclusion based on her whims and fancies. That is the nature of the Christian Feminist. She broadcasts personal opinions as news headlines and she sees no wrong with spreading groundless claims. Hence she hardly qualifies as a fair and mature judge on people, and the godly wife would do well to avoid her “character judgement” myopia.  

Godly wives, and the younger women under their guidance, should analyse the Christian feminist’s opinions before they accept them too readily. Sit back (if you have already sat back on your cozy sofa, you may sip a cup of citron tea if it aids your thinking…) and ponder the case studies when men bring women to church. 


Do all men who engage in friendly banter with a lady end up a couple? Do they always live in a romantic fairy tale ending of happily ever after?

Since the Christian Feminist’s opinions may not be trustable, what can the godly wife do if she hears gossips from the Elises in our midst?

Before anyone pass haste judgements and fall into the trap of gossip and slander, we’ve got to remember Proverbs 18:13 and the lesson to hear before we speak.

The godly wife, tasked with teaching younger women in their speech (Titus 2), can question Elise, “How do you choose that negative view of Sam to be the only truth? Have you found evidence or good reasons to back up your stand on Sam? Why were the other alternatives not considered? If not, why should we believe you and destroy the unity and trust in the church? We don’t need conflict.”


To be continued... Part 2b